Irrational? So what?!

i usually don’t regret my decisions. hardly ever, really. i’d like to think the decisions i make are likely sound and well-thought through than not. that is, up until this past weekend.

ever rack your brain trying to make “the right” decision while pressed on time? i made a decision for myself and thought it was the best decision to make (for the sake of others involved, as well). long story short – i think i made a mistake.

i made a stupid decision for someone else’s benefit and as a result, lost time. lost opportunities. worst off – that decision was rubbed in my face.

“ha ha, asshole! you’re missing out and i’m not! not only that, i get to spend time with your favorite person making memories and doing cool shit with her and you don’t! HA HA! joke’s on you!”

now i feel even worse than i did before.

consolation prize?
“hey, we had a great time! wish you were there.”

hey, well guess what? i didn’t go partly because of you. I didn’t go and missed out on time spent (which is already difficult to come by) with one of my favorite people. all the while you reminding me of what you got to do and not really hearing much from anyone.

meh, it would have been out of guilt and obligation, so why even bother being so needy, tdo?! don’t you want things to come genuinely? of course.

what i do want to say to myself is:
“tdo, its over with. she didn’t mean it. there’s nothing you can do about it now anyway.”

that would be the rational thing, wouldn’t it?

of course, i’m just the highly charged and emotional being that i am.
take it or leave it, i expect respect and common sense and sometimes…just sometimes, i need a little bit more than other days.

sue me.


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