i love, unapologetically.  so hard that i don’t have a choice but to let it course through my veins; it’s in my DNA.  it is, in fact, all or nothing.  I let it run through my system and infect every part of me, spreading with copious amounts of force.  I need to lose all control to feel i have any control at all.

i am that person, that proud person, that loves to take pictures of us and proudly display them on my sleeve and in all of my environments; my home, my heart, my thoughts, through the computer screen, across thousands of miles and across all of our lifetimes. i love the surge of electricity and the pounding of my chest when fingertips meet & fingers intertwine. i love & appreciate everything about loving another human being – especially in THIS way. tracing the dips of your hips & the curve of your thighs; arching your back with the force of my beating heart pulsing through the palm of my hand. i can only love in this way.

i want to love in the way where all the beauty, the hurt, the scared, the scarred, the broken & bleeding are encompassed in what we call “being human” brings me to tears as i stand and stare..because it’s all beautiful; i am swallowed, alive.



i’ve been wanting to attempt to write something beautiful for a bit now, but have been rarely inspired…so i thought.  however, everyday i have this reoccurring appreciation, sometimes in the back of my mind & other times in the forefront of my skull, for the most beautiful thing in my eyes – the beauty of womyn.  so here, i will attempt to put to words, my absolute love & admiration for the womyn form.

when i was younger, post coming out, i would chase after girls like a young school boy.  i wanted to be in the company of, talk about & think of girls all the time.  i was a little “girl crazy”.  however, the older i get the more i truly admire and appreciate the art-form of a womyn…the way her hips sway with each step towards anywhere her two feet take her & the lines of muscles that drape her back that gives her the strength to carry the world…the way only a womyn can.

there is something about the outline of a womyn’s body that runs like slow-moving infinite waves with no beginning and no end.  a womyn’s warm, soft & silk-like skin against mine can stop the world from spinning, send a surge through my veins and in that moment i am free.

it’s almost unbearable, this beauty of womyn, but it is an anguish i could not do without.

The Brain In Love.

i spent my morning watching and listening to a lecture by Dr. Daniel G. Amen.  it was a facinating inside look on brain chemistry when in love, how to sustain long-lasting love (opposed to a matchbook-romance) and also how diet affects hormones (not only sexual hormones) and in turn, affecting relationships both in a postitive and negative ways.  (wow run-on sentence).  he also wrote a book on ADD / ADHD and different approaches on managing them called “magnificant mind at any age” (thanks for the recommendation, j)!

the entire lecture was about an hour long where he dove into brain activities, hemispheres, brain chemicals & chemistries…and far too many things to cover in one blog.  however, the last few points of the lecture drove me to take notes (yes, i really did).

1. a healthier brain equals a sexier you.
a. healthy diet
b. fish oil
c. exercise

2. its all about blood flow
a. 25% of blood flow goes to your brain.
b. get enough sleep (oversleeping also causes dullness and fog)

3. know your partner’s brain
a. different brains need different strategies
b. people with an overactive frontal lobe are the same people that love motorcycles, scary movies etc.
c. people with under-active frontal lobe like predictability.

4. boost the chemicals of love.
a. oxytocin = the cuddle hormone (enhanced by holding hands, cuddling, watching movies etc).
b. Phenylalanine aka: PEA (almonds, cheese, chocolate)

5. focus on what you love.
a. make a list of 7 things you love about your partner.  meditate about one each day. <– i think this is a great idea…
b. embed yourself in your partner’s brain.
c. always be on the look out to take your partner’s breath away.

6. kill the ANTs that infest your relationships
(ANT = automatic negative thoughts)
a. write out the ANTS
b. ask yourself if they are actually true.  ie: “he/she NEVER listens to me”.

7.  there are many reasons why people behave badly…simple answers are never sufficient.

i know my blog is not doing justice to the lecture, but it was a really facinating lecture.
i’m probably going to go out and get a couple of his books.  wonder if he has any other televised lectures?

in searching for the video lecture by dr. amen, i found this TEDTalks video on the same subject (lecture by dr. helen fisher).  she and her team took MRI’s of people that are madly in love & of those who were just dumped.